How do you feel?

By the end of my working life, the question of what I would do with my time had morphed into a new one: "How do you feel?" "Oh, fine" was decidedly not what askers were after. For some, the question was a genuine expression of interest in the state of my soon-to-retire mind; for others, merely something to fill the silence. Either way, an answer was required. How did I feel? Well, terrified, gleeful, in a somewhat dreamlike state, contemplative, apprehensive, full of anticipation, nervous, in a serious state of avoidance — all at once — would have been a complete answer. "It all feels a bit surreal" was my lame response.

I decided I needed to address this retirement business head-on before it started, so, not being one to plan thoroughly too far in advance, on my last day of work, I made a to-do list:

1. Find a place for stuff brought home from office (to forestall increasingly not-so-subtle hints about the clutter on my bedside dresser).
2. Figure out how to use self-cleaning option on oven (the one that’s at least two years old now; maybe more, can't remember — trying not to look inside it much.)
3. Clean up closet (get rid of clothes I hate, or that are worn out or now seem inappropriate; everyone has those, right?)
4. Buy retirement clothes (comfort comes first, but nix the old-lady stuff!)
5. Clean out kitchen cupboards (because hey, that sounds like a virtuous use of free time, right? Just in case anyone happens to see this list…)
6. Replace and/or pull out dead basil and sorry collection of wannabe carrots that just never grew properly in my balcony garden (so depressing to look at, and a constant reminder of this year’s gardening fail. Must do more research over the winter to figure out what went wrong. Last year, I had lovely carrots, edible lettuce and arugula, and harvestable basil; at least, until early August when flea beetles devastated everything.)
7. Buy a laptop to have something other than my iPad mini to create this blog on (with the work laptop gone and the "family" computer only available in the wee hours, now essential. Working after midnight stopped soon after my student days. Those hours are now strictly reserved for leisure activities; oh, and sometimes sleep.)

Heading into week 6 or 7 (quickly losing track of time here), I’ve tackled 1 (moved it all out of sight), 3 (well, a little bit), 4, and 7, and am labouring to find reasons to delay tackling the rest. Because after all, deadlines are now a thing of the past. Now there’s a good reason to embrace retirement living!